Baby Misty

JP said that I no longer mention my cats, they have no blogger personality. Well, here you go JP. Didn't you actually come with me to the shelter when I picked up Misty for the first time? This is my old friend R., who doesn't even care for cats, but she looked so lovely in her tie-dyed shirt, that a photo of her holding baby Mist seemed the thing to do. This was taken in the shelter about a week before I adopted her I think. We just went for a visit. In the words of dear departed Steve Irwin, "Isn't she go-geous?!" Odd, I can't remember Misty much as a kitten (like I can't remember Bindi much as a puppy), but this is a beautiful reminder.

Happy Valentine's Day, all, and a special shout out to K., whose birthday is today. Hope it's a good one.

I have the movie Chocolat on in the background. I'd like to live with Juliet Binoche and Johnny Depp, just so I could look at their intensely lovely faces each day. Oh, and it's a wonderful film, too. Perfect for the day.

Watched Steve Martin's Shop Girl on dvd last night. A sweet movie, with extraordinary photography of Los Angeles, which I never think of as an attractive city, but then I've never been there. Clair Danes is so much better now that she is older. Also watched Blood Diamond with Leonardo DiCaprio and Djimon Hounsou, a disturbing but I think true-ish account of the Sierra Leone illegal diamond trade. Buying diamonds is so problematic. Does anyone know if diamonds are still stockpiled and only a certain amount allowed on the market so as to keep the price high, as is portrayed in the movie?

I get my tongue biopsy results tomorrow. Check this site for the info. Shout out to EGV: what were your biopsy results?

Can't find my scissors. If anyone ever wants to send me a gift, scissors is a good one. I need a pair in each room.

Sun is out today. Time to go visit the road's water feature with the canine.

And finally, to all lurkers: POST A COMMENT, PLEASE!! K. is usually the only one who does, and I'm very grateful to her, but come ON!

Chi Town

And not the one in the middle of the country. These photos are from the Chihuahua Meetup Group on Feb. 2. It was kind of lame: the organizers had no toys for the dogs, no drinks for the owners. It was kind of fun anyway. Next time I'll bring a bunch of toys.

Cold

I've got a cold. Fortunately, I have nothing scheduled for this day, so can lay low. The nutritionist I used to see called me this morning, just to check in. I told her about the thing on my tongue, and she said it sounded like oral lichen planus. She's very very smart, and I learned a great deal from her. I googled lichen planus, and sure enough, it sounds (and looks) like what I have. I won't post a photo since some of you were grossed out by my blood mandala. Wusses. The biopsy is tomorrow, so should have a diagnosis soon.)

M & S came for dinner last night. Had S's favorite menu: turkey hotdogs, cauliflower, and potatoes. She ate a ton! She didn't even want her dessert. She told me she is getting two mice tomorrow, one white and one black. She doesn't have names yet. I told them stories about my childhood pets, Homer, and Cleo, and several others, hamsters and gerbils. I liked them very much.

Just saw this in the New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/07/health/07diabetes.html?_r=1&th&emc=th&oref=slogin

You know how when you get an amaryllis bulb and it's so beautiful when it blooms, but you can never get it to bloom again? Well, I've got two from years past blooming again. I think it's because I kept fertilizing the bulbs before they went dormant, as that's what provides the energy for the plant to bloom again. Yea, me!
I rock as a gardener. Both me thumbs be green. (I won't tell you about the plants I've lost from trying to find the right windows for them here. I'm trying to keep at least one double lavender/pink tropical hibiscus alive, but I don't know.

















The Metaphor of My Father's Coat

I've been wearing it
The buttons have been
one by one
falling off
The thread old and weak
I sew them back on.

There is no lining
No inner layer
although once it existed
the lonely zipper
runs along the inside edge
with a memory
perhaps
of a warm protective interior lamina

What I miss most about my father
is not having known
his closeted self
The qualities I imagined
longed for
believed were present

I wear his coat
Allow molecules
particles of the past
his past his life
embedded in the cloth
to skim my exterior

Lacking a lining
it's all I have left.

Haunts

Today I was very sad. Had nightmares last night which left me feeling ill at ease this morning. Couldn't shake it. Went to pick up some things at the pharmacy, and began crying about two events in my past, way far back, that I haven't been quite able to resolve. Fortunately, I saw my acupuncturist this afternoon and she was soothing.

A rose is a rose, and so much more

Let's start the new month with something beautiful -- a photo of the roses that M. brought to Bindi's birthday party. Shout out to everybody: when you need a surefire great gift, bring a dozen roses to someone. Huh, I just noticed that this configuration of roses is a mandala itself. And of course, each individual bloom is also a mandala. I am so drawn to the form, and it appears everywhere.

Had lunch with MS yesterday. She's so great, but is being wildly exploited at her job. Then I went to the dog park with the Bindster and ran into a massage therapist I went to once, a long time ago. I always go to women, but one day when I just walked in to see if anyone was available, he was the only one. And while I was on the table, and telling him about the tension in his neck, he made a very inappropriate comment that the weight of my breasts might contribute to my neck tension. I never went back to him. I've been to a lot of massage therapists, and never has anyone made a comment like that. Uck. Then, when we were chatting in the dog park while our dogs ran around, I told him about spending $3,000 on having Bindi's knees operated on. He said, "I'm very pragmatic. I would have put her down." I was kind of shocked, and felt it was a very cold thing to say to me. Again, uck. He said, "There's always another dog that needs adopting. They're not children." Puke. I mean, sure, if you don't have the money, or you're not attached to the animal, perhaps this would be the best option. But most people I know with animals are attached to them, and would go to great lengths to maintain the life of the animal who means so much to them. And he had this amazingly gorgeous dog, an Australian cattle dog/some kind of shephard mix.

Today I'm going to register to vote in this new town, then take S.'s birthday present to her (thanks, IKEA!), and pick up my new glasses frames, the red wire rimmed ones. I need the lenses replaced in my every day glasses, my computer glasses, and my reading glasses. That's not gonna be cheap.

To be against happiness is to embrace ecstasy. Incompleteness is a call to life. Fragmentation is freedom. The exhilaration of never knowing anything fully is that you can perpetually imagine sublimities beyond reason. On the margins of the known is the agile edge of existence. This is the rapture, burning slow, of finishing a book that can never be completed, a flawed and conflicted text, vexed as twilight.

Eric Wilson

Against Happiness: In Praise of Meloncholy

Blood Mandala

I made art in the sink during one of my nosebleeds. Sheeeesh. Hope you don't find it too gross.

Well, the hits keep a comin'. Today I saw my ENT doctor, after my naturopath told me to have her check out a lesion on the back of my tongue, on the side. The ENT doc said, "I don't like the way that looks," and I'm scheduled for a biopsy Feb. 8, the same day my sis is having her knee surgery. I've been so good with my diet lately, and now this. My naturopath thinks this lesion is related to an overgrowth of yeast in my body, but we'll see.

I'm currently reading The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen. So glad I can get into it.

Was too tired to check out the community chorus last night, but hope to next week.

Critters are well. Bindi loves her stuffed squeaky lamb that she got for her birthday. We play tug of war with it and we both growl at one another. Very satisfying.

Birthday Kak

Remember Martin Short as the wedding planner in "Father of the Bride," with Steve Martin and Diane Keaton? Short's character had some really bad accent, and pronounced cake "kak." Martin's character would screwed up his face perplexed and annoyed, having no idea what the wedding planner just said. Very funny movie.

Anyhoo, this is the photo of the kak I had for Bindi's birthday party. I think it's hysterical. It came out beautifully, although the cake part itself was not the tastiest. And here's a photo of the poster I had made for "pin the tail on the chihuahua."


















I took to the appropriate government offfice yesterday my rebuttle to their response to my original complaint. My rebuttle consisted of a seven page cover letter/narrative, and thirteen exhibits attached. I do not feel attached to the outcome. I am just very glad that everything is documented officially. Have to deliver a copy to the university general counsel's office today.

Have gone almost a week with no sugar except for the tiniest amounts in some granola and some muffins someone gave me. But no binging on Haagen Daz Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Extra Rich Light. Yeah, sure. Those binges make me so sick.

Found a salon near me that will give a decent haircut for $20. Closer than the other place that charged $18. Still, both are better than the $50 I would pay when I lived on the shoreline. That's nuts for someone with hair as short as mine. And horrors! Yesterday morning when I looked in the mirror I had a grey eyebrow hair sticking straight out from my brow. Man, did that make me feel old. Time to get them trimmed.

The squirrels completely distroyed the suet feeder I had hung from a tree outside. Those rascals are unbelievable. I'm sitting in my bed as I write this, watching through my big window the birds and squirrels cavorting outside. It's supposed to be warm today, in the 40s. I'll take Bindi for a walk soon.

Shoutout to Mihaela: here's a photo of my dining room:

Dr. King

Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.
Martin Luther King Jr.
US black civil rights leader & clergyman (1929 - 1968)

I fear that if a liberal Black man is elected president, he will be assassinated. And I'm sure Obama has considered that.

Bindi's party on Saturday was a success, and fun was had by all. I of course was not as ready as I would have liked, but it didn't seem to matter. I was so happy to have my friends come over, as my leave has officially been extended to June 12, and I won't see them as often as before, at least the university ones.

Found this phrase in a movie review in The New Yorker: [she] ". . . exudes malevolence swathed in good cheer and family feeling." That's exactly what my supervisor does. Uck.

My poor sis is having her knees operated on this Friday. She was having a great deal of pain, and after an MRI and a diagnosis of torn miniscus (minisci?) in both knees, immediate surgery was the treatment prescribed. And I thought I would be the first one of us to go under the knife for bad knees. Although I believe her problem is treatable thru this surgery, unlike mine, which will require knee replacement in the not too distant future. Note to family members reading this: Send her cards, flowers, chocolates, and good healing love and energy. I love her. I will never be able to thank her enough for the years that she kept in touch with me even when I would not return phone calls, or write back, or visit. She was constant, and that is a precious gift.

My beloved house plants are struggling in the new place. They were very stressed by the move, and while the house has many windows, there is not a lot of direct sunlight coming in thru them, and many of the plants are weak and infested with little critters. If I can get them through six more weeks, I'll be able to put them outside during the day when it is warm and they should recover.

Watched Evening on dvd this evening. A good chick flick, mostly women, about dying and family, and choices made in youth, that sort of thing. Vanessa Redgrave, Toni Collette, Natasha Richardson, Clare Danes, Meryl Streep, Glen Close, and a bunch of guys. Great cast.

Fascinating case on Nip/Tuck last night. I know I know, the show is absolutely depraved and I rarely watch it anymore, but did yesterday. A woman survivor of a suicide bomber explosion who was having her face reconstructed from being so badly burned began to feel that the anger and hatred of the bomber had gotten inside her body, and had been told by previous doctors that schrapnel consisting of human bone fragments from the bomber himself had lodged itself in various parts of her body, and they weren't removed at the time of her injury as her doctors told her the schrapnel would work itself to the surface of the skin and then be easier to extract. She demanded that the plastic surgeons working on her face remove them, and they did. One doctor wanted to consider the bits medical waste, but the other one said it was human remains and the family should be contacted. Bizarre. I have never heard of such a thing, and maybe it's completely made up, but what a premise.

It is horribly cold here. I don't like it.

Bindi's Day

Why do I plan these things? Seven hours till party time and the house is still a mess. AARRGGHHH! And I still have to make the food! Double aarrgghh aarrgghh!
But here's a nice photo Bluebird took of Bindi at Thanksgiving.

GAs on Duty Again

So I'm driving to the consignment shop after the therapist and the acupuncturist and dropping off the leave extension papers, and I get to the intersection where I am to turn left, but the light is green, with no left turn arrow. The car in front of me turns left anyway and gets hit head on by the car in the other lane. BANG!! I am horrified watching these two smallish cars crumple in front of me while hoping they don't swerve out of control and hit me, but I put on my parking break and rush out of my car to see how I can help. The engine of the car that made the turn was either steaming or smoking, I don't know which, and one of the young women could not get out of the car. I'm rushing around trying to help her, another guy shows up on the scene who has called 911, these two young women are hysterical, and I'm in crisis mode trying to get everybody onto the curb and warm. One woman is bleeding from her mouth, but miraculously no one was seriously hurt. The cops came right away, and I had to tell him what I saw. The young woman bleeding from her mouth said she had no medical insurance so didn't want to go to the hospital and was crying that it was her sister's birthday, apparently the woman driving the car. The birthday girl was scared that her father would be very angry, and I said, he'll just be relieved that you are both ok, but she said, no, he will be very angry. The woman in the other car said her knees hurt. She seemed tall and was likely pushed into the dashboard, but said she wasn't hurt badly. My car is still parked in the middle of the four lane road with Bindi inside. After I was sure everyone was relatively ok, and the EMTs had arrived, I moved my car, and went on to the consignment shop, where I bought a red raincoat I had my eye on since last weekend, and some tops for my niece in Paris.

This is another push for me to get a new car. My 1990 Toyota Corolla has no airbags, and it could have easily been me in that car crash.

Then I'm driving back home and hear on NPR a story about a canine cop named Striker, who was killed in the line of duty, in California, when he apprehended a perp on a bridge, and the perp, in an effort to get away, jumped off the bridge, Striker still hanging on, doing his job. The perp survived the 200 foot fall; Striker did not.

Water Feature

When I moved here, there was a dry stream bed about a block down the road from my house. With all the rain and snow, the stream is full and flowing and very lovely. Bindi and I always visit it on our walks, and when the weather gets warm, I hope to be able to take Bindi down to the water for a refreshing dip. I miss the shoreline terribly, but at least I have my water feature very nearby . . .

I take the paperwork in today to have my leave extended another four months. A great relief, although I am feeling much sadness about all that has transpired. I saw in the local paper yesterday that a local animal shelter needs volunteers to help with the kitties and doggies, so I will check that out and try to work for them a couple of days a week. In their ad they said they especially need volunteers to play with the cats to help socialize them. Now that's a job I could love! Enough with helping the university save nickels and dimes, when it's endowment is so huge! Being a micromanaged business manager is so NOT what I am about. It goes against everything I value.

I'm supposed to have a draft of a letter ready today to send to senior faculty explaining why I am on leave (an idea I think is important so that incorrect rumors don't circulate), but I couldn't do it. My therapist is helping me with it, but I don't want to deal with anything about this crash. I just want to forget about all of them and their wicked ways.

I've started the three times a week acupuncture on my knees. It is so good to see my acupuncturist/naturopath that often, as she is the embodiment of caring and positivity and gentleness. Is positivity a word? She wants me to do the anti-inflammation diet, but it is so strict: no wheat, no dairy, no coffee, no tomatoes/potatoes (the nightshades), no sugar or artificial sweetener. The nutritionist I saw last year said the same thing. That my body is "inflammed." I think it's just cause I'm a double Sagittarius. But with these months off, perhaps I can really get into my health care in a different way. Or not.

Bindi's birthday is Saturday and I'm having some folks over to celebrate. I'm going to have a cake made with her picture on it, and we'll play pin the tail on the Chihuahua. How cute is that? I said I would have a light supper prepared, but have no idea what to prepare. Any suggestions? I plan these things and then resent the work involved. Resent. Should be spelled rezent. Resent is like re-sent, as in resending something. Whatever.

Found a pair of red wire rim glasses frames finally. Have ordered the frames from one optician, and will take them to my long time opticion to have the lenses made. Have been looking for red wire rims for years. And they have matching magnetic sunshades to go with.

Watched "Phenomenon" on the telly last night. Have seen it many times, but it is such a sweet sweet movie, one of Travolta's best. Want to see the new Johnny Depp movie, although it will be bloody, but I just have to see everything he does.

It's cold, there's snow on the ground, and I can't wait for spring. March 15 those peas go in!

Garbage Pickup Tomorrow

I like taking the whole morning to water the plants. I want to be part of the "slow" movement, not everyone else who is going faster and faster and faster. Do more, be more, see more. This leave is exactly what I needed and now I have to get it extended to see what I can really discover about what I need to do long term.

Winter Solstice

A sad one, two friends passed on. Oxmyx, my brother's cat for about 14 years, and Dilwyn, my friend's Dalmation. Also about 14 years. I think on the same day.

Bit Bit

Today while running errands I went to Posh Pet Glamour Boutique up the road, where I had gone once before. I had met Bit Bit, a very small male Chihuahua who runs the store with his person, and I wanted to bring him Bindi's sweater from when she was a puppy. I had been looking for the perfect size canine to give it to, and Bit Bit was the one. It fit him perfectly. The picture is from their website, and I don't know if it is Bit Bit, but it could be.

Got my beautiful knit beverage coasters from the HandCraft Store, run by my niece and her friend.

Had a nice nice birthday at M's, with Rachel and Frances, and Rob, and Tommaso, and M & S. Yummy dinner, cappucino cheesecake for dessert, and a trip to 116 Crown afterwards with Tommaso. Got some sweet gifts, including a manatee photo that Rob had taken, and a pair of candles M brought from Paris, with gold leaf on them. And my nice R. called me from Paris, where she is in school, and my friend Y. called me from Australia. I felt loved. And email birthday wishes from others.

On the Fifth Day

of my leave, my true self gave to me,
five pounds of bird seed,
four furniture risers,
three eating dinner,
two fox salt shakers,
and a trip to a new doggie park.

And D. called. So kind of him. Went swimming at the Y pool yesterday with Rachel and Frances, then watched Firehouse Dog with Frances while Rachel took a bath and a nap. It was pretty funny, if predictable.

Found some snow boots today on sale, big clunkers from North Face, but just what I needed. The weather has been lousy, snow, sleet, rain. The lights are on my holiday hibiscus tree, and I may have a young visitor tomorrow whom I hope will help me put some ornaments on.

Watched a program on the filming of Planet Earth, the incredible BBC series. The patience and boredom and extreme weather that the photographers endure to bring us such stunning visuals is indeed a gift. They are deserving of our gratitude.

I need a standing coat tree, since I don't have a coat closet in the living room. Saw one at Pier 1, but it's still too expensive. Will see if it comes down in price after the holidays.

Sing To The Tune Of

The 12 Days of Christmas.

On the first day of my leave
My true self gave to me
A trip to a new doggie park.

On the second day of my leave
My true self gave to me
Two fox salt shakers
And a trip to a new doggie park.

On the third day of my leave
My true self gave to me
Three eating dinner
Two fox salt shakers
And a trip to a new doggie park.

On the fourth day of my leave
My true self gave to me
Four furniture risers
Three eating dinner
Two fox salt shakers
And a trip to a new doggie park.

Bargains

Saw a client this morning, then took Bindi for a walk. The stream is still unfrozen, and the sun was out. We had a tiny snow fall yesterday, but the news reported lots of car accidents and delays. The northeast every year gets more and more crazy about a bit of snow, as if we have never seen it. Nuts. Stopped by the consignment shop not to far from my house to see if the vintage wool filled comforter was still there. I had seen it last week and was attacted to it, but knew from my childhood that these kind of satin rayon or polyester covered duvet slips off the bed as easily as a penquin sliding into the Arctic waters off an ice floe, but I felt a nostalgia about it. It was still there, and although marked $22, the woman gave it to me for $12. Kind of looks like the one in the picture but nicer. Then I had skim milk latte with T. at Buns & Noodles, and he paid. He left, and I went to the Clinique counter to see if they had oil free moisturizer. They did, for $35. I had a $25 B & N gift card I won in a Michigan raffle, and there was 20% off for university staff and faculty. The bottle of moisturizer ended up costing me $4.98. Then I was desperate for a haircut, and went to State St. looking for what was open, as it was nearing 5pm. Found The Tonsorial Salon still open, walked in, and Juana, one of the three Latina women working, gave me a very masculine cut, as I had pointed to the poster above her station of a man with a short haircut. It was fine. When I went to pay, she said, $18. $18!!!! It's gonna be my new salon from now on. Juana took her time and did what I wanted. A good day money-wise, all in all.

Oops

Odd slip. Instead of "house" at the Group W Bench, I meant "hat." Hmmmm.

Enchanted

Went to see the movie Enchanted with Rachel and Frances. It was corny and funny. Then we had dinner at Ruby Tuesday's.

Earlier in the day I went to Edgerton and dug up my canna and dahlia tubers. Just in time, as the top two inches of soil had already frozen, but the tubers were still viable. I let Bindi run around thru the gardens which I think she liked altho she was shivering afterwards.

Had lunch with L & B, up from New York, which was so fine. I hope they will come and visit me and stay over in my guest room. We had a fun time going into the Group W Bench store, and I almost bought a house that they said made me look like Sherlock Holmes, but it was a bit pricey, so I passed. Might go back and get it. It's hard for me to find hats I like and I need one for the winter.

Spent a bit of time in Barnes & Noble (Buns and Noodles!) and found a great book, 1001 Gardens You Should Visit Before You Die, or something like that. Seemed a good compendium, but also pricey so I passed. Aren't I good?

Tomorrow is M's birthday and I am taking her and S to the diner for dinner. Haven't finished her present, but perhaps it will just have to be a holiday gift.

Wrote the draft letter for my dr's appt. tomorrow.

Spirit Talker

This is a poem I wrote this morning for a Native American client of mine. Her birthday is tomorrow. She has many health problems, has profound ptsd, and is working very hard to get well. Spirit Talker is the name given her by a tribal elder.


SPIRIT TALKER

Is wise and knows the truth
Has self-knowledge
and knows what she needs
Is strong and can say no
Has survived and endured
when others would perish
Possesses deep compassion and says yes
when the time is right
Is loyal and kind to those
who cherish her
Is brave and protects those
who require it
Has the courage of her integrity
regardless of how others may judge
Acknowledges the suffering of the past,
determined to move beyond the pain
Embraces solitude to nurture her vision
Knows humor is her ally
and centeredness her power
Dares to heal her wounds
facing discomfort and fear
Honors her beauty and
the sacredness of her soul

SPIRIT TALKER LIVES!