Saturday, April 12, 2008


That's the word that was in my head when I woke up from a nap. Can't remember my dreams clearly, but, you know, more of the same. Anxiety, mild to severe, in the dreams/day-mares, the content doesn't even matter. Perhaps that's why I haven't been able to nap since the SHTF at the university job.

Got back on Thursday night, after a smooth ride. Had three seats to myself on the plane. On time. So glad I bagged it the day before with the six hour delay. They no longer serve food for free on a three hour flight, so I treated myself to a decent cheese/fruit/cracker snack for $6. With my complimentary tomato juice on ice with lemon.

Big meltdown today. Max called me from the Hague, and I just burst into tears. He just listened and then I told him to send me some good Buddha quotes. He has, but I haven't read them yet.

Spring has arrived in New England, some consolation for the loss I feel being back here, and facing the impending departure of R & F. I am so very sad they are leaving. My poor little heart, broken once again. I envisage it as a beautiful vase that has fallen and shattered into so many pieces, which I have then proceded to put back together with crazy glue. Yes, it is intact, the fissures are sealed with that gooey madness cement, but still. It is not the same as if it had never been broken too many times.

Yesterday I went food shopping, then to the garden center, then scrounged around in some of the bulk trash on the streets and found a few little treasures. A jade green ceramic bulb dish. Three pots of last fall's mums that are beginning to sprout (many people treat them as annuals.) One of those old fashioned glass fish bowls like my mom used to have. I toyed with for about three seconds the idea of getting a Beta fish for it, but will use it for my collection of shells and sea glass from my travels. A wire cake rack. About twenty yards of turquoise fabric still on the bolt which will become an art project and then a swag curtain. A tiny foot stool that will become an art project. Kind of cheered me up.

The photo: a cassia tree in bloom in Naples, FL. Not too far from Scott's place. He is moving again. So are his parents, to a place with orange, grapefruit, and loquat trees in the yard. I ate a pink grapefruit right off the tree when S. took me there for a look-see. It doesn't get much better than that.

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