Monday Monday

Camilla wanted to go outside this morning, but wanted back inside after 5 minutes. I think she doesn't like the smell of Little Dude, the black and white cat who lives behind me, as he comes around the house often. She pooed under the bed; I guess she needs the full pill of xanax, not a half as I have been giving her. Poor thing. We're both nervous wrecks.

Went to bed at 7.45 last night. The radiation and depression are taking their toll. Woke up at 1.30am, got up, made some pasta which was really hard to eat but I did it anyway, and now have an unsettled stomach this morning from that middle of the night binge. My mouth hurts. While I was up, I watched most of a movie on tv called "The Boys of Brazil," with Gregory Peck, Laurence Olivier, James Mason and others. I'd never heard of it. Made in the 70s I think. Peck's character, Josef Mengele, had devised a way of cloning the saved body tissues of Adolf Hitler. He had set up an elaborate system whereby he placed these clones with couples that were similar in age and circumstance to Hitler's own parents. Olivier plays a Jew trying to track down Mengele. It was completely creepy, but so well acted. Shout out to niece E: I think you would like this one. Actually, maybe watching that movie is why I feel slightly ill this morning. It had a fight scene between Olivier and Peck and four dobermans that was positively sickening. No wonder it was on at 1.30 in the morning.

Yesterday's weather was autumn-like. Warm in the sun, cool and breezy later in the day, no humidity. I took Bindiana Bones to have her nails clipped, then we went to my favorite hardware store in Guilford. Got scotchguard for the car (instead of buying their $400 interior protection package), walked on the green a bit, and met a sweet family with their kangal puppy. Don't think I had ever met that breed before (see photo). Tried to call all my friends in the area for a visit, but none was available. Bought myself a chocolate milkshake, but only drank half of it. All I can really tolerate is applesauce and yogurt.

Got an email from an old boyfriend of mine from the 70s who said he was going thru some old papers and found a couple of poems he had written then, and that he wanted to send them to me. I said sure. Wonder.

Saturday I took Bindiana to the dog park for the monthly chihuahua meetup gathering. It was kind of fun, but that group of people is so reserved. If I didn't talk to any of them, I don't think any of them would talk to me. There were a couple of new people with little chi's, and I tried to make them feel welcome. I had met K. there with Momo, and it seemed they absolutely ignored her and her beagle. She took Momo off to play with the bigger dogs. That's what I mean about the northeast. People are so reserved and closed it hurts, esp. when you are a person who likes some lively social interaction like I do at times. Since I don't go to an office anymore and am not on a campus where there is a context for relating to people, I am much more accutely aware of this phenomenon, and I DO NOT LIKE IT!
I miss the illusion of family I had working on the university corridor, but alas, it was only an illusion. Only a couple of people from there seem to give a crap about how I am doing. Perhaps not so different from many blood families . . .

K. and I left and took the dogs to the Redwood flea market not too far from my house. Even the people there, when I would say hello, would pretty much ignore me. Something is terribly terribly wrong. I said in a loud voice to K, "What is the matter with these people?! I can't wait to get out of the northeast!" She gets it.
I bought three cotton bandanas for a buck each. We then went our separate ways home, and I went out for lemon ice. That I could tolerate eating, and I sat with three young people on a bench and listened to their funny conversation. Younger people around here don't seem as jaded and conditioned to containment as the middle aged. The elderly are more open, too.

Friday night I met C. and D. at 116 to celebrate our new cars. They got a Saturn Astra, which was nice and fuel efficient, but so small. I do like the roominess of my Forester, esp. since I've been having such claustrophobia with all these medical procedures. They were complaining too, again, about how hard it is to find community. I do keep going on and on about this, don't I? While there, I met Addie, the owners' new doggie-do. She's a seven month old pit mix, possibly with some golden lab. Sweet sweet sweet and so pretty, with a good temperament. J. found her on PetFinders.com, where she was set to be euthanized. She came from some other state, and he saved her. I'm sure she knows that. Was watching on Animal Planet yesterday the special called Jane Goodall: When Animals Talk, which is extraordinarily fascinating. We are only at the tip of the iceberg concerning animal communication but what has been discovered so far is delicious.