Saturday, September 06, 2008

My Boring So-Called Life

I'll try to keep the cynicism at a minimum. Slept not too badly last night after massive amounts of drugs consumed. Accidently took twice the amount of Atavan before yesterday's radiation treatment, because the day before I went there, got strapped down, and then the table wouldn't work so they sent me home. And the day before that I forgot the Atavan and freaked when they locked my head down in the mask, immediately couldn't breathe and felt trapped, and had to tell them to take it off. One of the staff bent over the table, took my hand, and kissed me repeatedly on the cheek telling me how brave I was as I was crying. Brave? Huh. So then saw the shrink of Thursday, who adjusted again the med levels, and my mouth was hurting last night so I took some tylenol with codeine, and the chemical soup lulled me into settled rest. That is, until around 6.30 am, I awoke to the smell of cat poop, and realized Camilla had taken a huge dump on the bed and the surrounding floor. I got up, stripped everything off the bed, remade it, and went back to sleep. We're going back to the vet on Wednesday for blood work; she's got to be picking up my anxiety and distress; how could she not? And if I forget for one day to give her the xanax she's on, she won't use the litter box to poo. It's like a friggin' pharmacy around here; I need a personal assistant just to help me remember to take what when, and for whom!

Social security now wants me to go get a physical with one of their docs. I guess after all the reports they've requested from my doctors, and my own statement, and the fact that I've been approved by the university's long term disability insurance company, they still don't believe me. So that's on the 18th. Still dragging this process out interminably.

Had dinner with C & D last night at a casual Italian place near us, where none of us had been before. It was decent, and inexpensive. They gave a complimentary glass of wine, and man, was it bad! I could sort of taste my dinner, but only half way. Did some shopping at Target afterwards. All of my clothes are too big, so I needed some new things. Am trying to only buy inexpensive/on sale clothes, since I might gain the weight back, but hope not. I really really hate these ruffled, shirred, gathered styles they have for women's tops these days. What are we, baby dolls?!?! Please. Let's get back to some elegant, well cut, flattering styles. Oh. That's the expensive stuff. Sorry. Forgot.

It's wet and muggy here today, August weather, although it's now well into September. Think I'll take Bindi to the dog park and we'll get our paws muddy. It's already three in the afternoon, since I just got up a couple of hours ago. But I managed to do a load of laundry, take a shower, and feed the animals. Don't you think that's enough work for one day?

Am trying to plan a trip to Oakland/Berkeley for Thanksgiving. Need to find someone to care for Bindi while I'm gone. My usual person will have her twins by then, so she won't be available. I hate to leave Bindi behind, but it is such a long trip, and both places I will be staying would prefer she not come. That'll just mean I'll make my trip shorter, which is probably ok. I can't remember the last time I was in California. Maybe 10 years ago? Friends are already lobbying me to move there.


Max in the Hague said...

just read the entry, hang in there.. and sometimes it's OK to let some cynicism out! big hug

Anonymous said...

I do not think that waking up to piles of cat poop boring!!! Or having been prepped for a procedure that then doesn't effin work boring!!! OK, I'll give you the drugs--they are boring but oh so necessary!! The weather anything but boring around here.

Keep on keepin' on--whatever the heck that means!!