Fox

This afternoon I saw my first live wild fox. I was headed down the driveway in my car and saw this creature cross in front. It was sunset and she was alone, and headed into the woods. I drove out of the driveway, turned right, pulled over to the side of the road and saw her briefly sitting just inside the edge of the woods, then moving off as the car startled her. I uploaded this picture as it represented most closely what she looked like, although I saw her from the side. I thought perhaps an oppossum, then no, the legs are too long. It was a fox. I have waited a long time to see a fox in the wild, so for me today is very special, and I know that I live among her.

FOX

I needed a fox Badly I needed
a vixen for the long time none had come near me
I needed recognition from a
triangulated face burnt-yellow eyes
fronting the long body the fierce and sacrificial tail
I needed a history of fox briars of legend it was said she
had run through
I was in want of fox

And the truth of the briars she had to have run through
I craved to feel on her pelt if my hands could even slide
past or her body slide between them sharp truth distressing
surfaces of fur
lacerated skin calling legend to account
a vixen's courage in vixen terms

For a human animal to call for help
on another animal
is the most riven the most revolted cry on earth
come a long way down
Go back far enough it means tearing and torn endless
and sudden
back far enough it blurts
into the birth-yell of the yet-to-be human child
pushed out of a female the yet-to-be woman

(c) 2001 by Adrienne Rich

I love this poem. I find it woundingly beautiful.

* * * * *
I was very tired today, and with Bindi's help, managed to drag myself out of bed. I took us to a Harvest Festival on the Guilford green, and saw lovely things made by human hands, some exquisite, some quite ordinary. Didn't buy anything, as what I wanted had no use but to collect dust, no matter how artful, and I am trying to avoid those kinds of purchases. I am so overwhelmed by the state of my two rooms, so messy and cluttered, so now have to hire someone to help me make sense of it. When it gets this bad I can only add more to it, not find a way thru to the order I know is hidden somewhere under the chaos. Brought in all the house plants from outside and they have taken over, so verdant is my green thumb. I will try to give some away.

Last night I went to the Artspace opening, where Rob had a photo displayed, along with almost 500 other artists! The reception was mobbed, and with Bindi in my arms, Carolyn's pretty scarf around her neck, we weaved and pushed our way thru the clot of humans till we found R & R, said hello, and promply skedaddled. Will go back to see the art when we can really see it.

Before the opening, we went to Moderately Cheerful Hour. Jordan was there and held Bindi till his leg fell asleep; Chris was there looking tanned from his helicopter work in Louisiana. Geeta and David came for a bit; it was definitely cheerful.

Early yesterday afternoon I went over to the sleep study center to get fitted for the CPAP machine mask. The technician was very nice, and helped me feel better about having to use this awful machine. If it will indeed make me less tired, and give me more energy to live, and hopefully lose weight, many things could change. But I will keep my expectations low until I see the outcome of the treatment.