Naturopath

Saw Dr. Artemis yesterday, and whatever she did made it a bit easier for me to speak. She gave me some powders and tinctures for my gastrointestinal health and immune boosters, etc. And she did some cranialsacral hands-on therapy.
http://http://www.craniosacraltherapy.org/Whatis.htm

I have an appt. with the oncologist on Monday. M. is picking me up shortly for a visit to the surgeon.

Camilla has come back to sleep with me some. She still loves her new bed, but esp. when it is cool at night she comes back to cuddle with me.

I'm trying to be patient, with myself and others. I'm not planning on any great cancer insights. Just another in the long line of people who have to deal with this crap. My house back here in sort of the woods is a good place to heal, so quiet, so many birds. There was some fight at dawn outside the window, I don't know if it was racoons or 'possums or something else. Not cats, for sure. But loud.

Sen-Sen

Two sensory memories from last night, I think it's the percoset. Nasty little drug. Remember those soapy licorice-y tasting tiny grey squares called Sen-Sen? That one, and then some lemon cologne from many years ago, very specific, but I can't remember the name. Memorial day.

Stayed low all day. C & D came over for a while; they took my huge hibiscus tree outside for me, and put her in the shade. They brought me peach sorbet but sugary foods are still too irritating. They will plant the seedlings that P. left for me in the community garden.

Trying to figure out how to get to the naturopath today. Thought I would be able to drive myself, but not on these chemicals.

Recovery

So the thing on my tongue was cancerous. Hasn't sunk in yet, too many pain meds. Prognosis: curable. Don't know how I want to blog about this yet, if at all.

My garden of friends has been stellar; I decided I needed a lot of support, so I emailed everyone. Some people may choose to be very private about such a matter, but I feel inclined to be just the opposite. I need to not feel alone, I need to feel cared about right now. Uh oh, that's gonna make me cry, so I'm out of here.

4.30 pm

Just got back from the new Indiana Jones movie with R & F. I thought it was awful, but perhaps that was just the pain killers numbing me out.

Am making some boiled potatoes to mix with butter and milk and a little yogurt for more sustenance. Bought organic baby food. Yuk. I'm hungry.

K & S and Momo came over for a doggie romp which was great fun.

Oral Cancers

ENT Doctors Recognize Oral, Head, And Neck Cancer Awareness Week, 23 Apr 2008.

With more than 40,000 Americans diagnosed with cancers of the mouth, head and neck each year, the American Academy of Otolaryngology, Head and Neck Surgery (AAO-HNS) supports the Yul Brynner Foundation in promoting the need for education on these conditions during Oral, Head, and Neck Cancer Awareness Week (OHANCAW) 2008. OHANCAW, held April 21 - 26, is an annual health awareness event designed to alert the public and health professionals of the staggering statistics associated with these very preventable diseases. Nearly 13,000 patients will die from a cancer of the head and neck region and as many as 90 percent of head and neck cancers arise after prolonged exposure to specific factors. Use of tobacco (cigarettes, cigars, chewing tobacco, or snuff) and alcoholic beverages are closely linked with cancers of the mouth, throat, voice box, and tongue. In adults who don't smoke or drink, cancer of the mouth and throat are nearly nonexistent. New research is also just beginning to reveal the link between the common human papillomavirus and cancers of the mouth and throat. According to the National Cancer Institute, the incidence of cancers of the mouth, head, and neck have remained stable over the past two decades, indicating that many Americans are not aware of how preventable these diseases can be if they make minor modifications to their lifestyles and get screened annually. Fortunately, most head and neck cancers produce early symptoms. Knowing and recognizing the signs of head and neck cancer can save lives. Symptoms can include: a mouth sore that bleeds easily and doesn't heal; a lump or thickening anywhere in your mouth or neck; soreness or swelling in the mouth that doesn't go away; a red or white patch that doesn't go away; and trouble chewing, swallowing, or moving your tongue or jaw. During the week-long OHANCAW campaign, free screenings are being offered in communities around the country. To find out the closest free screening site in your area, visit the Yul Brynner Foundation website at http://www.ohancaw.com or http://www.headandneck.org. For more information on oral, head, and neck cancers and other related ENT health topics, visit http://www.entnet.org and click "Patients". About the AAO-HNS The American Academy of Otolaryngology - Head and Neck Surgery, one of the oldest medical associations in the nation, represents more than 12,000 physicians and allied health professionals who specialize in the diagnosis and treatment of disorders of the ears, nose, throat, and related structures of the head and neck. The Academy serves its members by facilitating the advancement of the science and art of medicine related to otolaryngology and by representing the specialty in governmental and socioeconomic issues. The organization's mission: .Working for the Best Ear, Nose, and Throat Care.American Academy of Otolaryngology - Head and Neck Surgery
Article URL: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/105079.php

Retire.

Having some new folks come clean the house today. Then appt. with benefits office to talk retirement options. M. and A. will come with. Then to 116 Crown with R & F, for R's birthday. We'll go see the new Narnia movie after, Prince Caspian I think.

Worked in the house gardens here considerably yesterday. Even though I am renting, I still need to have gardens and dirt I can play in, and beautify. I'm trying not to spend too much money on plants and soil amendments, but enough to throw color and form into the mix. The lawn here is so damaged that creating a focal point of flowering plants will make up for the less than attractive lawn.

I bought a small bed for the cats, and Camilla has claimed it and now isn't sleeping with me!! Whaaa! I've put it up on a wicker hamper so she wont' be harassed by Bindi, and now she treats it as her throne. Misty is throwing up pretty consistently now when she eats too much too fast. I have to give her very small portions several times a day. The next round of doctors' appointments will be vets.

I'm tired.

Gravitas

Uck.


Tongue surgery on Monday. M. came with me to the pre-op surgeon appt. yesterday. R. came with me to the pre-op exam with the pcp on Monday. Y. was with me for the awful MRI last Friday night. Sis is coming on Sunday, blessed be. MRI was normal, thankfully. Surgeon thinks the tongue thingie is fairly superficial but won't know till she starts cutting. Uck. Told me to bring a cd for the OR. Should I take Nilsson's THE POINT, or Glenn Gould's A STATE OF WONDER, playing the Goldberg Variations? Or something else. I will be able to hear it unconsciously, I'm told.

After taking Y. to the train this morning, I took myself to Bread and Chocolate for one of their delicious raisin scones and a latte. Then I drove across the street to Lucien's, a florist/plant rental/interior landscaping business that was crazy beautiful and interesting. And they were SO nice. Had dinner at Midori last night with R & F, very good Korean/Japanese food, not too far from my house. THEY are so friendly, too. They know me by name now. Went to M's for the yearly May Day ritual, which is so sweet. We ate strawberries, little cakes, whipped cream, ice cream, and five young girls and R. wove the May Pole ribbons into it's chaotic and perfect pattern. M. has been doing this ritual for her daughters for 18 years now.

Y. and I went up to Northampton last Saturday, she to visit an old professor, and me to just hang about. We saw in the sky up there what we could only define as some kind of "northern lights." A glow of pink and green and yellow light in the clouds, kind of streaking/blending among them. It hadn't been raining, it didn't look like a rainbow, and yet was of course some kind of refracted light show. We were both entranced and in awe. I wonder if there is something geographic about the valley up there that produces such things.

The cyclone in Burma. The earthquake in China. The tornadoes in the Midwest. Uck. I can't bear to read the newspaper or watch the news these days. Way too much pain.

Photo is S's table in Naples. Mandala, of course.

Dandy Lion Picker

Have been obsessively pulling the dandelion blooms off the plant part itself so that they do not go to seed and proliferate. It's something my dad used to do in our yard growing up, and everywhere else in the world where he would see that yellow flower. Don't want to put too much effort into this beat up lawn here, but it's a kind of meditation to walk around the yard and pluck the golden headed monsters. In the fall is the time to apply corn gluten onto the lawn to prevent reseeding of dandelions the next spring, the organic way to handle them. I've got some poison ivy on the perimeter of the yard which I have to deal with, I guess with RoundUp which is not organic, but seems to be the only thing that works. Sorry, well water. Sorry, body.

Dream last night: I am travelling on a bus in Europe with a friend, not sure who, I called her Rachel, but she looked more like someone from my childhood. We stopped at a train station, but then were supposed to get back on the bus. I couldn't find Rachel, and asked the bus driver if he would wait a couple of minutes until I could locate her. He said yes, a couple of minutes. I went frantically searching, did not find her, went back to where the bus was, and it was gone, taking my luggage, my money, my passport, all my credit cards, and Bindi, all of which I had left on the bus. I was hysterical. Then I was in a hotel room or something, and I hear this wimpering at the door, and find Bindi, transformed into my previous cat Chiquita, who had returned with a very bad wound on her leg. I began to try to find the number of the Central Hospital for Veterinary Medicine so I could take her there, but could not find the number, and just went. They were very busy. The attendant said, this cat is dead, I said, no no no, she's not, and truly, she was not, her heartbeat was still strong. They took her in and it seemed immediately that she was returned to me, with a bandaged leg, and x-rays done, and not as bad as I had feared.

These are the kind of dreams I have been having. Every night. All versions of anxiety.

My friend Y., Sri Lankan, but living in Australia, is showing up tonight to visit for a few days. I've been trying to clean and clear, esp. the guest room, but I need help, and I could not get my usual person to come assist. So not everything will get done. Considering my foot pain, knee pain, tongue pain, mental pain, and general fatique, I guess it's amazing I get anything done at all.

Planted some caladium bulbs, and will put the morning glory seeds in the ground today, which have been soaking overnight. That is supposed to make them germinate faster.

The photo is of a cherry tree outside my bedroom window. It appears to be a weeping cherry and a regular white cherry grafted together a long time ago, and it is very strange looking. Kind of like this whole house, it is a glom of various parts stuck together, but somehow manages to still be charming.

The Power of Schmutz

These two photos were taken of signs in a dry cleaner's window, but I wasn't thinking of dirty clothes when i saw them. I was thinking of my mind and body and all these awful doctor's appointments,





















and the drugs and the surgeries and the exams and the general messiness of aging. Not for sissies, it's said! So friends and family, take care of your bodies, and hope you don't get sideswiped by genetics.

The more power someone has, the more they fear losing it. That's a paraphrase from a line in Star Wars: Return of the Sith, which I watched about 15 minutes of last night.

Big gardening day yesterday and other stuff. Took Bindi to get her nails clipped at ABC and she was less nervous this time cause I just let the cutters do their thing and did not try to hold and comfort Bindi while she was having her nailed clipped. So it was done with no drama in about 20 seconds. And there was no line! Usually, there is a long line out the door and we have to wait and wait, but for some reason yesterday was a very slow clipping day for ABC. Then I took the other stained glass window to the woodworker. They should both be framed by the end of next week. What a wonderful mother's day gift to myself.

Then I went to the coffee shop and got a latte and bagel, and sat outside the shop with Bindi for a few minutes. I had her leash tied around the arm of the chair, but a big dog came along and Bindi bolted for him, untying the leash, and after a couple of seconds of sniffing him quietly, she launched into barking and jumping on him aggressively, something she has done way too many times now. That big dog was freaked out, as was his owner, and I was deeply embarrassed and apologized profusely. Bindi doesn't bite, just goes nuts sometimes, but not with all dogs. She loved Momo upon first meeting and they played politely together.

Then I went to the garden center looking for wave petunias. R. gave me four big planting boxes which I have put by the driveway, and since I know I won't get around to painting them anytime soon (the currrent paint on them in peeling) I'm going to plant those vining petunias which will hopefully cover the whole box with bloom and last all summer. Stopped somewhere else and bought straw hay, thinking it was salt hay, but put it in my community garden plot anyway. Salt hay is the one without seeds, and staw hay is just the regular hay stuff that will sprout weeds, which one does not want from a mulch. Then to the community garden where I did some more weeding, without my gloves and proper weeding tool so got a blister on the palm of my hand, and chatted with P. She has doctor horror stories too and various conditions she's trying to manage. Ah well, misery loves company.

Window

This is the one of the 2 stained glass windows from my old house, photo taken in my current front yard. Imagine it horizontal hanging in my current home's front windows. I took the window to the woodworker this morning, and he's gonna do the job, for a reasonable price. I think I would have even paid an unreasonable price.

S. was here for a sleepover last night, as her mom was away. I picked her up from school, then we went to get "night crawlers" for my garden, those big fat worms my dad used to find in our back yard with a flashlight at night, to use as bait for fishing. $2/dozen. I got four dozen. Then we went to the community garden and put the worms in the soil in my allotment. I had purchased several new herbs for the herb garden, which we also planted: gotu kola, herba buena, a kind of vining eucalyptus, stevia, and lemon thyme. Then home, dinner, watched a Wishbone video and craved for Bindi those cute hats that Wishbone wears as Robin Hood in the movie, R & F came over briefly, then reading stories, then me singing songs, then me telling made-up stories, till I finally said to S., time to fall asleep. She was out like a light.

Woke up at 5.30am, got up, S. got up shortly after, so we just got our stuff together and I took her to school for 8.00am. Had an ENT appt. and the doc scared me to death about this tongue thingie. She was very upset I hadn't come back to see her sooner, tried to stick some tube down my nose to my throat to see what this tumor was up to, I freaked out, sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. So instead of all that she has ordered an MRI to see how it has changed or not. It was very upsetting. I'm exhausted. Going over to R & F's now.

Had a dream last night about my mother. A photo of her was in an old newspaper or magazine, when she was a teenager maybe. The date was 1924. Was that the year she was born? Someone in my family was speaking badly about her as we looked at the photo, and I lashed out defending her.

And the Beat Goes On

Top court's unfair play against fair play
Clarence Page

April 27, 2008

Lilly Ledbetter worked in a Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co. plant in Gadsden, Ala., for 19years before she received a valuable tip from an anonymous source: She was making $6,500 less than the lowest-paid guy who had her job.

She did what anybody might do. She sued. She was in for a surprise. So were a lot of civil rights experts. If any cases were intended to be covered by Title VII of the 1964 Civil Rights Act, they thought, it was cases like hers.

Indeed, even the women I know who are hesitant feminists, the middle-of-the-road womenfolk who insist, "I'm not a feminist, but . . ." usually tend to follow that "but" with, "I believe that women should receive equal pay for equal work."

But after Ledbetter's case made it all the way up to the U.S. Supreme Court last year, the high court ruled 5-4 that the law did not apply to her. She was too late. She should have filed her complaint years earlier when the original discrimination occurred.

Indeed? As a legal matter, the decision was defensible, but as a practical matter it was inexcusable. One might even call it judicial activism, tilting a law intended to protect workers against discrimination into one that gives a big edge to employers who discriminate.

The law said she had to file her discrimination complaint within 180 days of the alleged unlawful discrimination. The surprise came with the Supreme Court's interpretation of when the clock is supposed to start on that 180 days.

Since the 1960s, nine federal circuit courts and the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission had ruled that the 180-day clock started—or restarted—every time the employee received an unequal paycheck. After all, it was reasoned, every unequal check is an illegal act of discrimination. But imagine Ledbetter's surprise when the high court ruled that, no, the 180-day statute of limitations began with her very first discriminatory paycheck almost 20 years earlier.

In other words, if employers manage to discriminate against workers for at least 180 days without getting caught, they're home free, exempt from discrimination lawsuits.

In her dissent, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg called on Congress to step in with new legislation to clarify and restore the intent of the original civil rights act. A bill to do just that was named after Ledbetter and passed the House last year. But the Senate version failed last week to win enough support to survive a threatened veto by President Bush.

And, like almost every other issue of consequence these days, the Lilly Ledbetter bill looms as a defining issue in the presidential race.

As luck would have it, Arizona Sen. John McCain, the presumptive Republican nominee, missed the vote on the bill because he was on a trip through the South.

News reports described him as visiting places that Republican candidates don't usually see, usually because they don't have to. He traveled to locations identified with wars against poverty and discrimination—like Selma, Ala., scene of a historic clash between police and civil rights volunteers seeking equal voting rights in 1965.

So it's ironic that he missed the vote on one of the most important civil rights bills of our time. But that's OK, equal pay fans. If he had been there, he would have voted against it because, he told reporters, he agreed with Bush that it would prompt a flood of lawsuits. Actually, it wouldn't—because it hasn't. We know from experience with the original law that there was no flood of lawsuits before the high court overturned it, and there would be no reason to have a deluge now.

Besides, in an unsuccessful attempt to satisfy conservatives, new caps were put onto the total damages that can be awarded. The proposed law would limit claims filed to a two-year maximum. That means, even if the bill is revived this year and wins enough votes to override Bush's threatened veto, the most redress that someone like Ledbetter could hope for after 19 years of discrimination would be two years' worth of redress.

Sen. Edward Kennedy, a Massachusetts Democrat, would like to revive it this year, although that's a long shot. Members of Congress like to avoid controversy in election years even more than they try to avoid controversy in other years.

But because McCain is going to face either Illinois Sen. Barack Obama or New York Sen. Hillary Clinton in November, both of whom support the Ledbetter bill, there's time for the issue to receive a national spotlight.

Now that we know how much McCain appreciates civil rights history, it's time to see what kind of civil rights history he plans to make.

Clarence Page is a member of the Tribune editorial board. E-mail: cptime@aol.com.

Tea vs Coffee

For several weeks now, instead of having a cup of coffee first thing in the morning, I have switched to tea. Almost unconsciously. It seems to be what my body wants. I had the feeling that drinking coffee without any food was making my stomach a bit upset, but tea goes down much more easily. I sometimes like a coffee later in the day, but sometimes not.

It's finally raining here. We needed it badly. I planted some grass seed in the lawn here, and did lots of transplanting other places and a slow steady rain is perfect for these kinds of gardening. I have nothing on my docket today, thankfully, so hopefully can go thru some of the remaining boxes I have yet to unpack and get rid of books and other stuff that I don't need. Several of the local libraries are taking donations, so that's where the books will go.

Dream last night: I don't know who I was with, but . . . these huge birds with large beaks began dive bombing toward the ground, killing themselves. This person I was with just wanted to carry around the dead carcases, but I kept saying, they will rot, they will decay, they will smell bad, you cannot do that. I think some expert in the dream was saying the birds were committing suicide. I kept telling the person carrying the dead birds that she should take them to a taxidermist if she wanted to keep them.

Lunch with M & S & P was pleasant. I dug up my dianthus and my Sum and Substance hosta, and my tarragon, to transplant here. M had built a fire and it was warming and relaxing to sit in front of it drinking tea. Then we played a game of Blogus, I think it's called. Kind of fun. Then to the Rumi event. I thought more Rumi poetry was going to be read, but the poets read much of their own work, most of which was really quite fine. Especially liked Lisa Starr and Coleman Barks. Glen Velez, the percussionist, was particularly astonishing. But here is one Rumi poem read that I liked:

What Was Told, That


What was said to the rose that made it open was said
to me here in my chest.

What was told the cypress that made it strong
and straight, what was

whispered the jasmine so it is what it is, whatever made
sugarcane sweet, whatever

was said to the inhabitants of the town of Chigil in
Turkestan that makes them

so handsome, whatever lets the pomegranate flower blush
like a human face, that is

being said to me now. I blush. Whatever put eloquence in
language, that's happening here.

The great warehouse doors open; I fill with gratitude,
chewing a piece of sugarcane,

in love with the one to whom every that belongs!
-- Rumi

Tulips

Community garden work party today. We weeded the (my!) herb garden, and put down Mainely Mulch, the chopped straw that is expensive but a very nice mulch. Transplanted the valerian that was in my own garden plot to the communal herb garden, and had wonderful interchanges with Tony D. He's a wonderful guy. Caught up with PC, and saw that my tatsoi is coming up, even from last year's seeds. Also got my Drama Queen poppy seeds in the mail and am eager to plant. They are so, well, dramatic!

Poor Camilla. She has licked the fur off her lower belly and the insides of back legs, and on her right inside thigh the skin is raw from so much licking. I guess time for the vet. She's such a delicate flower, and I think is just kind of being continually stressed out. (Sound like anyone you know! ha ha!)

R & F came over for dinner, and we watched bad tv together, which is always fun. I wasn't feeling that well today for some reason, maybe I got dehydrated from the gardening this morning, or inhaled something from all the weeding that did not agree with me.

Took one of my stained glass windows to a framer to get an estimate, and we both decided that going to a woodworker would be better than a framer, since I want to hang the windows in my windows, and need a sturdy frame and hanger hardware. Fortunately, I know a woodworker, Breakfast Woodworkers.

Lunch with M & S tomorrow, and digging up some perennials to transplant here. Have gotten some nice things off Freecycle, plants that is. And finding great stuff in people's bulk trash, things I needed. Perfectly working solar lights. Clean rope and twine.

Difficult week emotionally. Draining. Meetings. Anxiety. Saw LK briefly, which is always a pleasure.

The weather is turning a bit cooler after two weeks of outstanding spring weather; we need rain.

Another Busy Day

Photos of colobus monkeys from the Naples, FL, zoo. They had their own small island, and seemed active and happy. These were taken from pretty far away so I'm pleased with my zoom lens.

More bulk trash pickings today, and some perennials from a Freecycler. Bindi got to play with her corgi Yogi.

Then a visit with Tommaso, then a surprise visit with Jen and Gaia. My little dog is pooped and so am I.

Monday

A visit to the PCP. Trying to consolidate dr's appointments. Got a thumbs up on the tongue doctor from the PCP, so will schedule that nonsense. And then, before another appointment, the most amazing thing:

I had been planning for a while to go back to where I lived on Norton Street for over twenty years to get a clump of the heirloom daffodils in the backyard. So I decided that today was the day, and I drove into the driveway. Found the current landowner on the second floor, and after he greeted me with suspicion I told him my wish, and he allowed me, then even helped, get the clump. We got to talking and he was totally renovating the house. I asked, did you keep those beautiful stained glass windows that were throughout the house, including a beautiful one between the second floor porch and the stairwell to the third floor where I lived? He said he only removed the two from the big windows in the front of the house, on the second and third floors, and he was going to see them on Ebay. I said, oh, can I see? He showed me them, I said, will you sell them to me? He said, make me an offer. I said, $50 for both. He hemmed and hawed, we were still chatting this and that, I said, $75, he agreed and it was a done deal. It was a wonderful interchange and now I have the two glorious stained glass windows from the house where I spent so much time. Felt like another gift. They are in perfect condition, I will have them framed and hang them in the windows I have in this house, and take them to Florida with me when I go. The colors are blues/greens/purples/golds.

Then I went to see my therapist and cried and cried and cried. How can one day be filled with such joy and satisfaction followed by such sadness and grief?

Rumi

Rumi: an 800th birthday party
With bestselling poet Coleman Barks and
Grammy Award-winning musicians Paul Winter and Glen Velez

NEW HAVEN – Just 800 years after his birth, Rumi, the Persian scholar who founded the Whirling Dervishes, is the top selling poet in America. On April 27, Rumi’s most famous translator, Coleman Barks, will read Rumi’s poems to musical accompaniment by Grammy Award-winners Paul Winter and Glen Velez. Also performing are Poet Laureates Lisa Starr and Marjory Wentworth.
Proceeds to benefit for Connecticut Food Bank.
Sun. April 27, 4-6 p.m

I have gathered a few women together to attend this event. Was drawn to it.

* * * *

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you; Don't go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want; Don't go back to sleep. People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch. The door is round and open. Don't go back to sleep.
-Rumi

* * * *

Another perfect spring day yesterday. More yard work, again being amazed as the faces of the flowers open to the sun, with such color, such form. K. called out of the blue to invite me and Bindi to the dog park, a spontaneous get together, my favorite, and what a good time we had. So many wonderful canines, including a small black and white Papillon that I was enchanted by. A big dog aggressed on Bindi, didn't hurt her but frightened her, but her owner did not apologize, so we went home. Stopped at a couple of tag sales. Got a frame for Frances' art, had a piece of glass cut for it, now to find some background paper. Put my new table in the foyer which I am cleaning out, and what a difference it makes. So classy now. My knees hurt a lot.

In Memory of Sue

I am so sad. Through an unusual connection, Freecycle, I learned that Sue D'Antonio killed herself on March 29. She was the veterinary technician at the vet's office I used to go to when I lived in New Haven. I saw her frequently for years and years. She was the one who encouraged me to adopt DillBoy, even though I did not want a male cat. She let me take out of the office and show to a friend the Dr. Bob doll that was such a perfect likeness of him, and was precious to everyone there. She let me borrow a wire cage from the basement of the office when I brought Misty home as a kitten. She was a loving, beautiful spirit. All I could learn so far is that she was in a great deal of physical pain due to some illness. We cannot take anyone for granted. We cannot assume anyone is ok, even if they say they are. We must take care of one another in an intentional, conscientious way.

I took the paperwork to the lawyer today, whom I will consult with next week about my case against the university. Just doing that nearly brought me to tears. I could not wait to get out of town. I stopped at a tag sale near my street and bought a gorgeous picture frame for $1, and a tall table with drawer that I didn't really need, but wanted. Shop therapy I guess. The man, named Andy also, wanted $40 but let me have it for $25. It was so warm today. I raked leaves, went to the community garden, the pharmacy, Radio Shack, the supermarket. My 15 or so hostas that I got on Freecycle last fall are coming up strongly, as are the Asian lillies I transplanted from the community garden (I think) last fall as well. The landlord and his son came over last evening and took care of a couple of minor issues, including installing a doorbell for me and replacing the flood lights at the back of the house. His son, now 11, has been a vegetarian for six years. There is a small leak in the washing machine, and if it continues, we'll get the repair person. Good, as then perhaps the gentle cycle can be made operational. The gentle cycle can be restored. Restore the gentle cycle. Recycle gentleness. Restore gentility. Gentleness restored. Restorative gentleness. Recycle. Be gentle. Restore yourself and others.

Today is Tobi-wan's 7th birthday.

Mo-Mo

K. and Mo-Mo came to visit, and a great time was had by all! Mo-Mo is a four month old grey beagle and he and Bindi romped and ate treats and drank water out of the cleaned fish bowl I got from the bulk trash last week. K. and I trashed the ivory tower, and extolled the sanity of mental illness.

I had a massage earlier not far from my house. A new person. She was pretty good, but she was playing razor blade music on the cd. If I go back to her, I'll take my own cd. And when I went to pay out front I was told it was $65, not $60 as I had been told on the phone, so I did not like that, esp. since you are expected to leave a tip. And then their credit card machine wouldn't print me a receipt.

K. was driving a Prius which she likes very much. I also liked a Toyota Matrix that I saw. Will drive both of them and see. Prius is much more expensive, but I guess you save the difference on gasoline.

Max called again from the Hague, before his trip to Kenya, but I missed the call.

Dodgy Tum

Just bought this gorgeous dahlia (in tuber form) on Ebay. This variety is very hard to find, and is what I think I've seen in others' gardens and lusted after. It's called Dahlia Cafe au Lait. Also ordered blue freesia bulbs, and a caladium, which is a great shade plant. Of course all the bulbs have to be dug up in the winter in this zone, but worth the effort.

Ok, put on your best Brittish accent and say, "Does the doggie have a dodgy tum?" That means, is her stomach upset. Was watching a training show on the telly just now, made in Britain, and a woman was talking about having to use fish as treats for her dog cause his stomach gets upset easily, and she complained that it was expensive to do that. The trainer said it needn't be, as treats are now made for dogs with "dodgy tums."

Was searching online recently for "manatee cotton fabric," and my blog showed up on page four of the Google search. Ha!

Busy day of errands yesterday. Can't remember if I already told this story in another blog entry, but here it is again. An old friend from New Haven contacted me, wanting to know if I had any photos from the 1970s of the group of feminists we were part of. I did. She was going to be in town when I was in Florida, so I found the photos, put them in an envelope and dropped them thru the mail slot of the house of a mutual friend whom I knew she would be seeing while I was gone. While I was in Naples, I got this call on my cellphone from someone who said her mother had found an envelope on the ground under her car parked on the street, with my name and cell phone number in the return address section. I was perplexed. I said, is the envelope open, is there anything in it? Well, it was indeed unopened, and yes, my precious 30 year old photos were inside. I don't have the answer to this mystery yet, but again my GAs were on duty, and I was able to get the photos back from the woman yesterday. Amazing. Grace.

Went to the dry cleaners to drop off the beautiful wool blanket I got at a thrift store in Naples, and it took twice as long cause I took Bindi in, and one of the women there went gaga over her, got on the floor, and they were playin' playin'. Went to CVS for script refills. Had lunch from Gourmet Heaven, the best hot/cold food bar in town. Picked up a beautiful photo album from a freecycler, took Bindi to a newish dog park where some jerk was letting his big dog bully everyone else, so I and another woman with her dog left. Then took Bindi across the street to play with R.J.

My acupuncturist has advised that we stop the acupuncture on my knees since it does not seem to be working. We're both disappointed. We will now work on detoxifying my body. And I'll go back to the orthopod and get plastic shot into my knee joints for a temporary fix. Ugh.

Poison Arrow

Poison Arrow Plant also known as Climbing Oleander, photo taken at Naples Zoo.

Had lunch with M & S yesterday, and her friends M, K, & K, whom I like very much. K & K are twins, boy and girl, about S's age, and they had a bunch of stuffie animals dressed in diaphanous (sp) green fabric and said they were spring peepers. How cute is that? I had brought over a pan of homemade brownies which were a big hit. Bindi and I took a short trip to the beach before going over to look for beach glass, but didn't find much. Mostly green and brown, you know the beer bottle stuff. Had a funny conversation in the local small food market with a young man who was crouching on the ground by the cash register cause he was tired of standing, and I said, as usual, "There's a Seinfeld episode about that," and he knew exactly which one I was talking about! I told him and the other cashier that it was nuts that they weren't given stools to sit on, they agreed, and I said I would call the manager. Of course I won't use their names, and I'll wait a couple of days. If I had the wherewithall (? - I never hear anyone use that word anymore), I'd develop a "cashier's stool," market it, and make my millions. Then I could buy one of those fancy mansions on the beach in Naples, FL, and live out my days watching pelican and dolphin and killer sunsets from the comfort of my perfectly air conditioned art studio. From the interest on my millions, I would develop a "doggie water park" there, just for dogs, with grass and fresh water ponds and pools and slides and trees, all just for dogs. I'd make sure all the existing old septic tanks were removed and replaced or hooked up to the city water purification system, so that the red tide would never come again.

Preposterous

That's the word that was in my head when I woke up from a nap. Can't remember my dreams clearly, but, you know, more of the same. Anxiety, mild to severe, in the dreams/day-mares, the content doesn't even matter. Perhaps that's why I haven't been able to nap since the SHTF at the university job.

Got back on Thursday night, after a smooth ride. Had three seats to myself on the plane. On time. So glad I bagged it the day before with the six hour delay. They no longer serve food for free on a three hour flight, so I treated myself to a decent cheese/fruit/cracker snack for $6. With my complimentary tomato juice on ice with lemon.

Big meltdown today. Max called me from the Hague, and I just burst into tears. He just listened and then I told him to send me some good Buddha quotes. He has, but I haven't read them yet.

Spring has arrived in New England, some consolation for the loss I feel being back here, and facing the impending departure of R & F. I am so very sad they are leaving. My poor little heart, broken once again. I envisage it as a beautiful vase that has fallen and shattered into so many pieces, which I have then proceded to put back together with crazy glue. Yes, it is intact, the fissures are sealed with that gooey madness cement, but still. It is not the same as if it had never been broken too many times.

Yesterday I went food shopping, then to the garden center, then scrounged around in some of the bulk trash on the streets and found a few little treasures. A jade green ceramic bulb dish. Three pots of last fall's mums that are beginning to sprout (many people treat them as annuals.) One of those old fashioned glass fish bowls like my mom used to have. I toyed with for about three seconds the idea of getting a Beta fish for it, but will use it for my collection of shells and sea glass from my travels. A wire cake rack. About twenty yards of turquoise fabric still on the bolt which will become an art project and then a swag curtain. A tiny foot stool that will become an art project. Kind of cheered me up.

The photo: a cassia tree in bloom in Naples, FL. Not too far from Scott's place. He is moving again. So are his parents, to a place with orange, grapefruit, and loquat trees in the yard. I ate a pink grapefruit right off the tree when S. took me there for a look-see. It doesn't get much better than that.

Anole Brown Lizard

This is the little critter living on Scott's lanai, under the pot shard. I took this image off a website, but have taken some photos myself, hoping I have gotten a good shot.

I tried to make it home today, but after getting to the Fort Myers airport and waiting waiting waiting for a plane from New York that never took off, I am back at Scott's for the night and will try again tomorrow. My 12.20 flight wasn't scheduled to leave till 6.00, and I couldn't keep myself and Bindi stranded for that long, when the plane hadn't even taken off from it's NY destination. Aaarrggh. And I couldn't even schedule anything else on a partner airline since American cancelled all its flights today so all the available seats on everything else were taken.

Went to Bambusa for dinner last night. Coconut shrimp and vegetarian black bean burgers. Yum yum. Our young waiter said to me, "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Nathan Lane?" Whaaa? When I was 18, people used to say I looked like a young Natalie Wood. Now I look like Nathan Lane? Whatever. He also felt the need to show us his new composition computer program, and give us samples of the music he was creating. Well, I praised his efforts, but the guy has absolutely no future in electronic music composition.

Beautiful crescent moon last night.