Broken Glass

Last night in a dream. My ex-husband was throwing many wine glasses on the floor, creating a huge pile of shards and jagged glass. It was so frightening. In another part of the dream, I think I was doing very badly for another reason, not because of the glass, but can't remember what. Oh, and the ex-husband in the dream brought home a woman he was consorting with, and I became furious and violent. Not hard to analyze this one.

On Sunday I planted about 80 tulip bulbs in front of my house. The local Stop & Shop was selling them for $.99 a bag. Raked some leaves. Rachel and Frances came over for a bit. The trees are nearly bare now. Bindi liked plopping in the large piles of leaves. Funny pup.

Crafts Fairs/Holiday Bazaars

My yearly ritual. Check out the church holiday fairs, to see what's to be had. Went to Branford mostly, and Madison, and saw a lot of junk, but did manage to score a few inexpensive and nice things for gifts. Got myself four new placemats from Malaysia from the Fair Trade holiday fair, at the Mercy Center, then Bindiloo and I took a walk on their small beach which was so fine.

Had a dream last night about a beautiful beach and rock area, in Florida, a place that I've never seen. A dreamscape. Smooth rock outcroppings, small eddies and pools, clear water, such loveliness. An enchantment. The beach at the Mercy Center was in the most vague ways similar, but the water was cold, the rocks were jagged, and there weren't any small pools. But possibly I was having a bit of precognition, because i did not plan to go to that beach today. Perhaps it called me. Another dream had me in a shop trying on dressy sweaters, and I finally settled on a black close-fitting one, with sequins in the front. It was not expensive. Then I was in a very large carpetted room, singing or dancing I think.

I went to hear the musicians described below last week. Mudgal in addition to vocalizing to complicated rhythms used his hands in the most evocative and stunning ways, even while sitting on the ground while performing. His chanting made me feel stoned. When I walked out of the performance space, it was as if I was entering back into a harsh reality. I had been transported.

Pandit Madhup Mudgal is one of India’s best-known Indian classical vocalists. Born into a family of musicians and singers, he has trained with maestros Pandit Jasraj and Pandit Kumar Gandharva, and has developed his own unique style, maintaining a fine balance between classicism and innovation. He has experimented with various musical forms and has performed in fusion concerts with eminent Jazz musicians from Brazil, as well as composing original music for dance.

From the Vedic chants of the 1st millennia through the Persian and Sufi music of the medieval period and the folk and Bhakti traditions of the 14th to 17th centuries, Indian classical and folk music has a very strong tradition of honoring the sacred. The monophonic, melodic mode of the raga seems almost designed to explore the inner depths of the mind and emotions. In Madhup’s rendering they embody the fusion of Hindu, Muslim and Sikh music in a tradition of mututal respect. Madhup follows these syncretic traditions, singing Hindu Bhajans, Sufi Kalaams and Sikh Shabad Kirtan with equal fervor.

Madhup conducts the Gandharva Choir, a renowned music group that has given performances all over the world. He also heads the Gandharva Mahavidyalaya in Delhi, a leading institution for training in music, dance and the arts of India. In 2006, he was awarded the prestigious Padma Shri by the Indian Government for his contributions to the field of Hindustani music.

Accompanied by Ray Spiegel (Tabla) and Stan Scott (harmonium)

Camilla is Back

After two days and three nights away. Blessed be.

Obstacles

Camilla is missing. She ran out of the house last night, stayed away all night, and still isn't back. I'm trying not to panic, but she is not a cat big on being outdoors. Some good things have happened but right now her disappearance is overshadowing all.

Crescent Queen

Told my story to the intake officer on Thursday. Puerto Rican gay man. Attentive, helpful, open, encouraging, a great sense of humor. He GOT what I was telling him, and told me to go for even more. Big dog lover, although he didn't start that way. Same as me. He told me he used to feel whenever someone would bring their dog somewhere that the person should be "taken outside and shot." Then his father died, and his mother was inconsolable. Nothing worked, not drugs, not therapy. Then he got her a small six pound long hair Chihuaha named Diva, but he called her "baby girl." She fell in love with the dog and began to heal. In September, Diva had to be put down and his mother is again deteriorating. And although he said he could not afford it, he was going out this weekend and get her another toy size dog. He said Diva used to sleep by his side even when he weighed 550 lbs, and he never rolled over on her. He had major surgery and is now a healthy weight, and looks fit and trim. He spent 3 1/2 hours with me. Our connection was healing for me, even though he won't be the one making the decision. Because of my empathy with his story and his with mine, he said I should consider a career in counseling. I didn't say so, but been there, done that, still do that. People are always telling me things they have never told anyone else. It is a privilege, and gives my life great meaning.

Fenway, the underweight dachshund at the pit bull awareness day festival in the park, was adopted by one of the women who work in the greenhouse. She knows Reiki and did some on Fenway when he first came to her house, and he settled right in. A perfect match. And I made a connection with the woman who was carrying Fenway around all day till he was adopted.

Rachel and I went to see "The Veiled Monologues" at the New Theatre on Thursday. The play is on tour, and although much of the content was familiar to me, I loved watching the women perform.

I hate the NPR fundraising drives.

Fall

Had lunch with M. and her friend and three kids yesterday. Played hit the windfall apples with the picket fence slat. When an apple is hit, yell "Applesauce!"

Lost Bindi's foldupable dog crate. How could I lose that? All I can think is that after the garden work party I put it on top of the car, put the stuff in the car, and drove out forgetting it was on top. My mind is so distracted.

Office stuff still bad. If anyone wants details, you'll have to write me. Can't blog it. Too much legal, ethical, emotional content.

Stopped at Rob and Rob's yesterday and it took five of us to figure out why the rubber tree plant wouldn't come out of the pot. Ended up having to use a circular saw to get the pot off, then I repotted it for them. Took some cuttings but don't know if they will root.

Harsh

A word the kids use often to describe something mean or moderately painful, but not devastating.

Had a work day at the community garden. Worked on the herb plot with Sue and Tony, and we had a great conversation about community, politics, Yale, multi-tasking, health insurance, getting help, karma. I said I went to a happy hour (actually Moderately Cheerful Hour since the German professor who hosts it says Germans don't have happy hour), and wrote out checks for my bills while sitting around the table with everyone. Tony thought that was so great. And I told him that sometimes I invite my friends over to just sit and talk with me while I clean or do some project, that having people around makes doing these things easier.

There was a pit bull awareness day festival in the park today as well. Bindi and I walked around and visited the tables and some of the doggies. We made a connection with someone who was working for the North Shore Animal Shelter that may come in handy in future if need be. Found a vendor who sells disposable vinyl or plastic or latex, don't know what, dog boots. Whaaaaaa??!?!?! I said, how do they stay on? She said, they have small ribs inside that keep them on. Might be the thing for Bindi during the winter.

Rachel and I went to see the film "Elizabeth I," on Thursday after work. A five o'clock showing, and there were only two other people in the theatre. Cate Blanchett and Clive Owens and Georffrey Rush. Lush, beautiful to look at. Neither of us know our British history, so we didn't know how historically accurate it was, but the photography was astonishing and every frame was purposefully framed to stand on its own, it seemed. The costumes, the sets, total eye candy.

"A cat on prozac sits in the corner and goes 'me . .'"

Robin Williams

Bluebird

Bluebird has a new blog, which I am very glad about. This is her collage photo. I like it totally, as she created it.

Today after having a hard time getting started, I went to pick up Camilla's drugs, then stopped by my neighbors' house for a short visit. They were having a party for their son who is going off to the Coast Guard tomorrow. He wants to be a rescue diver. Seems like a very worthy ambition. Met the great grandmother who gave me three hugs. I was alerted that she might do this, but I certainly didn't mind at all. Sweet woman.

Also stopped by Duck Soup, a local alternative cafe near my house. It was near closing, but I got a piece of cherry pie and a coffee. Pie was not that good, but was glad to have gone inside the cafe for the first time. Someone there is very into horses, and had many photos of same, and a prominent sign about the abuse of mares and their fouls to make Premarin, the HRT drug. They are open for breakfast and have a cappacino machine, so that is truly an enticement.

Stayed up too late last night watching The English Patient. I like the movie, but couldn't even get to the end.

Had dinner on Friday night at a local Mexican restaurant with Frances and Rachel. I didn't think it was very good, but then I have high standards. It was as always nice to hang out with them.

Need to find the dog park in Southington, which I have been told about a couple of times.

Just Because You're Paranoid . . .

doesn't mean they're not after you. I'm trying not to be, but things at the office are very bad again. I'm very anxious. I don't know what's going on. Will consult more of my allies, hopefully my allies, next week.

The Bindi dog pic is for Bluebird, as she has a similar one of herself on her new blog.

But not to dwell. Two clients this morning. Did some relaxation meditation with one of them, as she has a hard time calming down and letting go of stress. Let Bindi off the leash in the yard and she ran around and about and all over, would not come when I called, but later the neighbor was able to get ahold of her and brought her back to the house. My neighbors are very attentive when she is off leash, and I appreciate that very much. They thought I didn't know she was scampering, but I did, just could not get her. Little minx.

Went to R.W. Hine hardware and bought some Safer bug spray to treat my plants before I bring them in. Then to Marshall's to get some pants that fit. Everything is too big from my too-much-stress weight loss. How many out there hate to hem jeans???? Me!!!!! Stopped at Wentworth's and ate a huge amount of maple walnut ice cream. Now am making Moroccan style chicken, with chick peas and tomatoes. Don't have a bit of fresh lemon juice or cilantro that it calls for, but at least I got myself to cook. Broke down and bought some frozen dinners last week cause I just couldn't get it together.

Was in Madison yesterday and bought some shirts that fit at Christy's. 40% off of Flax linen if you paid by cash or check. I like their stuff.

Am back to reading "On Borrowed Wings" by Chandra Prasad. Hope to finally finish it. And am reading a short story in the recent New Yorker about a boy who feels no physical pain. M. said it was a great metaphor for everyone's pain with how hard our lives can be.

Don't eat the CAR!!

'Member that line from Tuner and Hootch? Bindi ate a hole in my love seat. Small, near the bottom, but still. I can't leave her unattended at all, unless she is in her crate.

Went to a free lunchtime concert with Rachel today. Lovely. Students from the Music School playing Beethoven, Dahl, Strauss.

Niece E. was here over the weekend and HELPED ME SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!! Thanks, E!
Anybody else wanna come out and help?

Saw G. at home yesterday. She had been in the hospital for a week, with flaring gall bladder, and pancreatitis. Had surgery. Had some bad hospital stories. Anybody know if the gall bladder is a necessary organ?

Misty had a little eye problem over the weekend, but seems to be better now. The weather is cooler now, and Bindi has taken to shivering. Time for the doggie sweater. JP told me to watch The Year of the Dog, with Molly Shannon. Ok, JP.

Monday, Monday

Was very depressed at the office all day. Took a walk with Rachel and got Thai food at the sidewalk cart.

Bindi has been very aggressive with other dogs she sees across the street or even from the car. She must be picking up my stress, as this is new behavior. I took her to the dog park today and she was fine with Ruthie, a springer spaniel, and Daisy, a pit/boxer mix. Still, she didn't want to run around as much as I thought she might. She seemed tired.

Have a meeting with union reps tomorrow about my case, and I have a letter that I'm hoping will pull some weight.

Read that comfrey root ointment in a recent study significantly reduced pain from osteoarthritis in knees. Will have Dr. Artemis order me some.

The Past, The Present

"Haunted by the past" is a commonplace phrase because it's a commonplace experience. Even if one is not, strictly speaking, "haunted," the past is perpetually with one in the present, and the longer it grows and the further it recedes the stronger its presence seems to become. I agree with the Chekhov character who, when, in a crisis, he is reminded that "this, too, shall pass," responds, "Nothing passes."

--Philip Roth, in the recent New Yorker interview

Lots of depression this weekend. Fortunately, Rachel called this morning and invited me to go apple and raspberry picking with her and Frances. Unfortunately, dogs are not allowed in the picking fields, so I didn't actually pick anything, but it was good to get out. Then they came over and helped me clear away some more boxes, and put the table and chairs up in the dining room. That was a huge accomplishment.

Ordered digital tv today. Tired of just watching Channel 8. $33 for the first three months, then $45 or something. I think it comes with some music channels which I need cause I can't get NPR stations clearly on any of my radios out here. A big disappointment.

FLOWER

Flower, the matriarch of the Whisker clan on Meerkat Manor, the Animal Planet soap opera of meerkat society on the Kalahari, died in last night's episode of a cobra bite. I was with Rachel and Frances, and none of us expected it, and Frances burst into tears and cried for a long time. Meerkat Manor is an amazing program which reveals through remote filming the entirely complex, cooperative, courageous, hierarchical, and joyful lives of meerkats. It is a wildly popular show, and since I've been without cable or dish tv for a month, last night was the first time I'd seen it in a while, altho I have been watching it for a long time. Who would have thought that the meerkats had babysitting dens, or would banish individuals from the group for a forbidden action? These small, intense-eyed mammals remind us once again that we know so little about the animal king/queendom, and that we have so much to learn from them.

Found a dining table at a tag sale today which matches my chairs, and two umbrella stands, one of which I will give to M. since she has been looking for one and told me to keep my eyes open when I go to these sales.

On the Yale front and my job: Abuse of Power Comes as No Surprise. It is bad, but I am taking action. Don't know yet how it will pan out. Wish me luck.

Kittens on a Cloud

Frances was singing this song today, something about nothing cuter than Kittens on a Cloud. Indeed. Scored this tea kettle for $3 at a tag sale today; I think it might have been a fundraiser for orphan cats. I went to four or five sales today. Got a bedside table, two garden rakes, a couple of VHS videos (for a buck they were cheaper than renting). The tea kettle normally sells for about $50. And it was in good shape, no dings or anything.

Was gonna go to the beach today with Frances and Rachel but alas the clouds were about, and no kittens in sight. They helped me a little bit around the house, and we went to lunch at Peters II, a very small restaurant near my house that is really nice. Good food, very friendly service. Only open for breakfast and lunch right now, but planning to be open for dinner.

Got my free Shutterfly calendar of photos from Elba. It turned out beautifully. Part of the deal when I got my digital camera.

Up Against the Wall . . .

Had another meltdown yesterday, with nose bleed. This time I'm getting the union involved.

Good news: a niece is coming to help me with my new place!!! acksalutapop!!!

You Know You're Burned Out

when you are asked to plan a reception for Gloria Steinem and you have absolutely no interest in doing so, and find it just an enormous pain. At 73 she's going strong, and has just published a new book, "Doing Sixty & Seventy," on aging.

Cried almost all day long. Went out to Guilford to meet the Man With A Van to move the rest of my stuff out of M's, got there early, and walked into my mandala garden and lost it. Kip came over mewing and I picked him up and held him, and felt sorry for myself. Went in the house, found M, and cried some more. Got the stuff moved to the new house, listened to two voice mails which upset me, and cried some more. Went to Best Video and had a mocha latte and tried not to cry. Went to the acupuncturist and was able to relax some. Came home and M & S came over with dinner for me, and we looked at the Bindi book from Shutterfly which arrived today, and turned out beautifully.

There is no unalloyed joy.

Oh, MAN . . .

The GAs were on duty again today. After waking up late cause I was up too late last night, I drove into work, and parked my car on the street as usual. I opened my car door and BAM!!! A kid on a bike plowed right into the door and went splat on the ground. I was horrified, got out of the car, he said he was ok, but clearly he wasn't, and I made him go over to the curb and sit down. I picked up his bike from the street and a crowd had gathered around us and someone took his bike from me, and after ascertaining that he was a university student, I insisted that he let me take him to the health center. He said he didn't think he needed to go, but his shirt was torn, and he had a bad scratch all across the front of his torso. He wasn't bleeding or in any great pain, but there was no way I was gonna let him walk away after that. A young woman offered to take him on the shuttle bus herself but I said no, I will take him. Fortunately, he was wearing a helmet, and finally agreed that it was a good idea to go get checked out. Of course there was construction going on down the street where the health center is, so I parked illegally and took him inside and made sure he was seen immediately. The intake nurse praised me for bringing him in. She said they get bike crashes all the time, and usually the drivers of the cars just curse the kid and drive off. She said I was the first one to bring a kid in. What kind of a world do we live in?!?!?!? Why was I being praised for doing the right thing?!?!?! Someone later even called me "noble." NOBLE?? That's ridiculous. It wasn't noble, it was the only way to react in such a situation. They took his blood pressure, and he didn't complain of any shortness of breath, and they took him in the back for further examination. I gave him my card and said, "Call me!!!" after he was finished there. In the car over he had said he was pre-med, and in the college where a friend of mine is Dean, so after he called and said they didn't find anything terrible, I called my Dean friend to ask her to keep an eye on him. He slammed into my open car door so hard that the door pushed against the front left fender, denting it towards the wheel, and now the door is very hard to open and close, but it does shut. What a way to start a Monday morning.

I watched "A Hawk is Dying," with Paul Giamatti on dvd this evening. Excellent excellent. The best thing I've seen Giamatti do. Very powerful performance. Also watched "Breaking and Entering," with Jude Law and Juliet Binoche last night. Unusual, interesting. Very good acting.

I've been eating nothing but carbohydrates for weeks now. I have no taste for meat or even vegetables. I miss my Guilford garden, and I miss the Branford Stop & Shop. I went to the S & S near Rachel's after work and my classism kicked in. The carts were broken and beat up, the shelves weren't well stocked, there were flies buzzing around, the whole place was kind of dirty. Uck. I'd gotten used to the very well kempt shoreline shops geared toward the more middle and upper classes, and I have to say I'm not happy with my choices around here. I stopped at Best Video to return dvd's and had a decaf latte from beans that they charge 12 bucks a pound for cause they are fair trade and organic. Wasn't that good, but felt calming somehow. Then, I came home and there was absolutely not one piece of mail. Where's all the junk mail I used to get at M's? Thanks to all who have sent me cards and such. Really helps.

Came inside and was tidying up and noticed something sticking out from one of the cabinets near the floor. I bent down, picked it up, and guess what it was? A small picture of an angel that I had at one time cut out of a magazine. Have no idea how it got there.

Note to IKA: your drawings are awesome

Them Ol' Knees

Got the carpenter here today adding another step to the one step that goes up to the kitchen and the utility room. It's got a nine inch rise which is 4 1/2 inches too high.

Watched "The Night Listener" on dvd last night with Robin Williams and Toni Collette, from a novel by Armisted Maupin. Odd, but they are good actors, and it might have even been based on a true story. Nice to have a mystery movie where the sexual identity of the characters are incidental, and not the main theme. Normalized, not pathologized. Also watched "The Holiday" with Jude Law, Cameron Diaz, Jack Black, and Kate Winslet. Totally lame, but Jude Law is so fine to look at, and Jack Black was brilliant as usual. Anybody got any good movie recommendations? I'm near Best Video which is considered the very best video store in the area because of all the indie and foreign films it carries.

Tommaso came over for a couple of hours yesterday and offered his decorating expertise and skill at unpacking. I've almost got every cardboard box out of here, including the mouse poop that was in so much of it. Yikes. I'm finding more "presents," stuff that's been in boxes for years, things I've picked up from my travels here and abroad.

How do I get Bindi to stop barking when she is out in the yard? It's getting worse and worse. I DO NOT want to use one of those horrible electric barking collars.

The nights have gotten very cold, and I'm sleeping with my down comforter. Time to install the electric mattress pad! Ummmmmmmmmmm.

Florida With Manatees

Good news for manatees! Yesterday, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission voted to delay downgrading the manatee's status from endangered to threatened.

Calling the manatee "one of our state's beloved natural resources," in a letter issued to the commissioners on Monday, September 10th, Florida Governor Charlie Crist urged them to postpone their decision given the need for a better method to estimate the manatee population and the record 417 manatee deaths in 2006.

The FWC decided to defer the decision on downlisting manatees until at least the Dec. 5-6 meeting in Key Largo, FL. -- from the Save the Manatees website

Laura came over and hooked up the vcr and dvd player to the tv, and set up my desktop computer with all its parts. And put most of my books away. We found so much mouse poo in the cardboard boxes that were stored in the cellar at M's. Even tho everything was in plastic bags inside the boxes, the mousies still got in and did damage. Really disgusting.

But! I got three more pieces of snail mail today!! And that is just so wonderful.

Two Weeks

The standard contractor answer when asked when something will be done. Remember "The Money Pit?" Well, we should get our three computers in "two weeks." HA! How come when I sign onto Blogger with my Google account and I always check "remember me," it never remembers me? How can I do an interesting window treatment without blogging (I mean blocking) out the light for the plants?

Went for a massage yesterday, but it didn't help much. I need one every day for, uh, TWO WEEKS! The clunking is back in my neck. I think I have to keep seeing the osteopath. I think whatever she did helped.

Tommaso is back. I took him to Home Depot to get another bookcase, one of those extremely heavy particle board monsters. And he lives in a fourth floor walk up! Couldn't help him get it up there, tho. I'm sure he managed somehow. It was so great to see him. We laughed and laughed.

Got a set of white dishes on Freecycle.com. Now to recycle the black ones. I'm done with my black phase. Still don't have the tv hooked up. Miss watching movies.
Babysat for S. last evening for a couple of hours while her mom went to a parents' thingie at school. S. and I went to All Pets Club and looked at the puppies. There must have been 30 or so, all different kinds of breeds. Way too cute.