Tomorrow

Out of clever titles. Dreamed of DillBoy last night, that he was alive and well. I still miss him every day. I'll probably dream of Dad soon.

Worked at the Johnson Road house today with Laura, washing out cabinets, cleaning the bathroom, being there for the carpet cleaning guy. The carpets had already been cleaned, but I wanted them cleaned again, just 'cause, and he put some anti-bacterial and some scotchguard stuff on it too. Left all the windows open to dry the carpet when we left ; hope it doesn't rain. Found a few minor repairs that need to be made, like, the landowners left me a garbage can that was supposed to have wheels, but had none. For instance. Rob was there for a bit, brought some stuff over in his car, and went up to the attic and found some minor treasures, along with some junk left by the previous tenants. There's a black and white cat that lives in the house in back, with the angry dog named Pudge. Hopefully Pudge and Bindi will learn to get along.

Took a drive out to Ocean State Job Lot this evening and got a new piece of astroturf for the garden shed, for ten bucks. And bought a light beige rug to cover the ugly mauve rug in the smaller bedroom. Bought Bindi a new dog bed for the new house. The kitchen has tons of storage cabinets.

Tried to go to sleep earlier but couldn't. Will try now.

T Minus Two Days

I don't even know what that means. Or if it's the right wording for two days left till I move. I'm pretty much packed, and I met the landowners and picked up the keys today. Bindi and I went over for a look, and I think the place will work out fine. There are a few minor things that need tending to, but nothing major so far. I hate the carpeting but guess I will cover it with rugs of some sort. Met the woman who lives next door; she is the mother of one of the landowners. Her other son lives in the house behind me. The house was built in the 1940s, and oddly, but to my pleasure, has a bright red door. The landowners have given me permission to plant perennials around the house, so I am looking foward to that as the landscaping is sparse.

Photo is a wavy day at American Beach near Maria di Pisa in Italy. No one was supposed to go into the water as the riptide was very strong, but you can see how well that worked. There is a U.S. military base nearby, hence the name of the beach.

Taking some plants to the new house tomorrow, to make it feel more like mine.

Dogy: A variant of dogie

n. pl. do·gies Western U.S.
A stray or motherless calf.
dogie etymology
[Origin unknown.]
Regional Note: In the language of the American West, a motherless calf is known as a dogie. In Western Words Ramon F. Adams gives one possible etymology for dogie, whose origin is unknown. During the 1880s, when a series of harsh winters left large numbers of orphaned calves, the little calves, weaned too early, were unable to digest coarse range grass, and their swollen bellies "very much resembled a batch of sourdough carried in a sack." Such a calf was referred to as dough-guts. The term, altered to dogie according to Adams, "has been used ever since throughout cattleland to refer to a pot-gutted orphan calf." Another possibility is that dogie is an alteration of Spanish dogal, "lariat." Still another is that it is simply a variant pronunciation of doggie.

Well, the Italians didn't know this when they put this sign on the dog poo box near the beach in Marina di Campo. Don't you just love how the doggie's butt just sparkles! Maybe the can is filled with motherless calves. Okay, enough.

Went thru boxes of saved useless papers today, getting ready for the move. Found some little gems that I didn't remember were there. The move is set for next Friday in the morning. I sign the lease and get the keys on Wednesday. Laura C. has been coming over to help me back; without her I wouldn't be doing a thing.

Had dinner with Jim and Rob last night, as Jim left CT to move to California this morning. Boo hoo. Another friend transplanted. I am happy for him making this brave move, but will miss him too.

Grief

Rainy, rainy day. Started the day with Dr. Artemis, my naturopath/acupuncturist. I was lying on the treatment table with a bunch of needles sticking out of me, and a song came over the sound system that struck a deep cord in me. A woman was chanting or speaking/singing something in English, and while I couldn't catch all the words, something about her voice and the melody and rhythm of the music made me start to cry. Dr. Artemis came in a few minutes later to take out the needles and I was still crying. I sat up to get ready to leave and began sobbing and sobbing. My nose began to bleed. And bleed and bleed. Dr. A came back in and said I had broken a blood vessel in my nose by crying so hard, and gently attended me. There was blood all over my mouth, on my t-shirt, on the treatment table.

I was releasing grief, and I had the thought that I didn't have enough time with my dad. I didn't have enough time with him in a good way. Not enough time with him as a child, not enough time with him as an adult before his car crash, and too much time knowing he was unhappy. When Dr. A was dealing with my bloody nose, I remembered that I used to get bad nosebleeds as a kid. One memory was of sitting in the bathroom with a nosebleed and my dad was there, telling me to put my head back, and I could taste all the blood running down my throat. I said to him, "I can't stand that taste." He said, "You can't stand anything." Ah, the oversensitive child.
And the insensitive parent. He was not a giving man. I don't remember him ever telling me he loved me.

I left the doctor's office and decided to go buy a candle to light for him, and for me, at a shop where I knew they would have the one I wanted. An unusual candle with the scent of Fresh Tomato Leaf. It was given to me by a friend a couple of years ago, and everyone liked the scent. I went into the shop and saw a beautiful black shop cat milling about. I said hello to him and tried to pick him up, and he bit me on the hand, and I bled again. I bought the candle, two actually, and realized when I was about to leave that I had left my keys locked in my car, with Bindi in the front seat. Fortunately, the day was cool and she was in no danger of overheating. I called the Geico people, and went next door to my optician's office. We had a nice chat and he proudly showed me his beautiful collection of antique optician's instruments. He wondered what their value was, and I said I'd do an internet search for him. He was so appreciative.

The Geico guy finally came, and when he got the door open, he immediately took Bindi by the leash and brought her to me. And as I was leaving, the woman from the candle shop came out and gave me a beautifully wrapped bag of candy, just 'cause. It was a very sweet gesture.

Tomorrow I will commit to renting a 5 room house in Hamden. It's in a very quiet neighborhood, set back from the road which is not heavily travelled, so the cats will be safe to go outside. It's a plain house, but has what I need: everything on one level, no steps at all, and big enough for all my stuff. It's more than I can really afford on my salary, but I will tighten my belt. I am so tired of looking, and this house will be near some of my friends which is what I need right now.

Resurrection Lily

Lycoris squamigera.

Today I was in Edgerton Garden for a work party, talking to Matthew and April as we weeded and pruned the herb garden. When I walked back to my own plot, I was astonished to see that my Resurrection Lily had bloomed. This plant is also known as Surprise Lily, Magic Lily, and Naked Lady. It grows from bulbs, and the foliage appears in spring and after a few weeks dies back to nothing. Then, miraculously, a flower stalk emerges from the ground in late summer and blooms with light pink flowers.

I had transplanted these bulbs from my mother's garden back in East Peoria, probably 5-6 years ago. They have never bloomed before. And now, twelve days after my father's passing, they bloom for the first time. It was so sweetly moving that it occurred to me that a fitting memorial to my parents might be a dedicated bench in the community garden. They had been to Edgerton Park only once, but the community garden is such a beautiful lush place that a bench in their memory would last a very long time, and have great meaning to me. I have written my siblings about this.

The Prospect house is out. The landowner has shown himself to be unreliable, and while I am disappointed in many ways, I shall move on. I have three places to look at tomorrow and one on Monday. I feel somewhat less stressed about the move; not sure why.

Visited a new faculty member today in Hamden, to pick up some moving boxes she had. Their house is on a stunning piece of land. Took Bindi to the dog park after for a while, but she was not too keen on running with the other canines. She did a bit, then we went home, but only after a stop at the Stony Creek beach where Bindi walked into the water and lay down first on one side, then on another, to cool off. It was not a hot day but she is getting more and more comfortable with being in the water. I hope to see her swim sometime soon.

Frances stayed over on Thursday night. As soon as she went to bed, I let Misty in the door and she brought in the tiniest baby bunny. She dropped it from her mouth, I picked it up, Frances wanted to see it, then I let it go. That same night around 1am, Camilla decided she did not like the fan I had blowing on the bed, not my usual setup, and she proceeded to pee about a quart right next to me! The wetness woke me up, and I spent the next half hour stripping sheets and mattress pad and nightgown from the bed, and replacing with clean. She has never done that before. Her stress level is sky high, and even with the xanax she is on she cannot be trusted. Misty is catching mice, voles, bunnies, and I don't know what else. This evening both she and Camilla were chasing a tiny mouse around the bedroom. I rescued that little creature and put it back outside. Life in the country.

The pain in my foot is less, after treatments from the acupuncturist and the osteopath. I don't know what they do that works, but it certainly seems to.

Received sympathy cards from two of my favorite men friends. Lovely.

I also noticed today that the butterfly pea I planted this year for the first time from seed had bloomed.

Dad

My father died today. Around three thirty. My older sister Carolyn was with him. It is what he wanted. He was not happy with his life.

I was in Edgerton garden around that time, a fitting place. I was weeding, and planting. Things my father did, which instilled the love of gardening in me.

I had a dream last night about a cobalt blue glass goblet. It was etched with names, or dates, or something else, I cannot remember. It broke in the dream, and I knew it could not be repaired, it was so precious. I may have been passing it to someone else, perhaps one of my sisters, when it broke.

I will go to Illinois tomorrow for a few days.
Rest in peace, Daddy.